Stupid Things I've Done Part 1

Sometimes when I am driving along the many freeways of Phoenix, I start to think about my life and all of the dumb things I have done. Lately I have had extra amounts of time to think because the cd player in my car is broken again and I can't stand listening to Delilah on Sad FM anymore. In my spare time I've been able to compile a list of all the stupid things I have done, here is one of many examples...

When I was a junior in high school some of the cool seniors on my water polo team formed an intramural basketball team that played at the high school a few nights a week. One day at swim practice I was desperately trying to think of something cool to talk about to one of the Irvine Twins (cool seniors) so I told him that I was a star basketball player in middle school. Well I may have been good back then before everyone else's growth spurts (At 5'2" I was one of the tallest girls on the team) but now everyone had caught up and surpassed my heighth. The Irvine Twin somehow overlooked my small stature and invited me to play on their intramural team. I immediately knew that I had done something very bad.
At this point in my narrative I should tell you how I was by far the worst person on the team, that I stunk so bad that I didn't make one point, how they were all cursing at me by the end of the game and that would round off this particular example of my life's stupidity, but no, that night holds a far more stupid event.

After the game was over it was very late. I walked out to the empty parking lot where my 84 blue oldsmobile was parked and got in. Our high school parking was very deceiving because all the parking spots were divided by those cement parking dividers except the first row in which you were free to drive forward through the spot. As I got into my car I was distracted by my poor showing that night and did not notice that I was not parked in the first row of spots. I started the car and began to pull through the spot, as I drove forward I noticed the Irvine Twin walking out so I began to wave at him to show that I felt no hard feelings for the obscenities he had hurled at me earlier. As I lifted my hand the car lurched forward and upward and I realized that I was perched on top of the divider. It was a moment of great decision, what should I do? Reverse and get off the divider would be the logical thing to do, but no I decided to follow my life's embarrassing moment mantra--Pretend That Nothing Happened. I just gunned the engine and kept on going like I meant to do a little four-wheeling in my blue oldsmobile in the parking lot of Henry D. Sheldon high school. Why not? I could be crazy like those guys that pull cookies in the snow. I was impulsive, wild and living life on the edge! I drove that old blue car over the divider like it was the most normal thing to do in the world rather than totally dumb. It may have been stupid, but I had to save face in front of the Irvine Twin! That night I drove over the divider and off into the moonlight leaving behind a stunned Irvine Twin and probably my muffler, but at least I had my pride...er something...